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Ask Laurie

Q: Hi Laurie,

After having a bad breakup three years ago, I lost my confidence when it comes to asking girls out. I mean, back in the day, if I liked someone I'd ask them and probably/prepare for their response. Now it's totally different as I guess I see things in different light.

In my work place, there's this girl I talk and do work-related stuff. A month ago, I heard that she was leaving and I thought she's pursuing her dreams so I was happy for her. Now, this is the funny bit, after hearing it from her mouth, EVERYTHING changed! Time stopped, colors faded, and within a few days, I realized I like her so much and I will miss her terribly.

Now-a-days, when she's at work I try my best to talk to her, but don't want to embarrass myself. I want to say the right words and stuff to tell her I like her but not make it obvious. Each day, my feelings are stronger for her as I want her to be my girlfriend.

I am scared to ask her out as I fear rejection and also she's just been thru a three-year relationship. The guy who she was going out with is a #@!!@#@!%$. Now I've got 2 weeks left till she leaves the company and goes elsewhere. I need to do something, but I have no confidence in asking her out. I've thought about it countless amount of times, but when she's present, all my feelings just mess up. I don't want to lose her. I don't know what to do...

Signed:

Shattered Dreams

A: Dear Shhhhattered Dreams (guy drama!)

Breakup, shmakeup. You know what I mean YoYoSD? We've all been burnt. Even yours truly so get over it. Stop wearing it as a badge of honor-back of the line on that one brother. What's amazing and incredible is that, in spite of life kicking you in the groin, you're ready for more. In spite of everything, something in you has allowed a new someone to tickle your fancy. Isn't the human spirit amazing?

Dr. ShatterDre, you MUST ask this woman out. You must or else you'll be full of regrets, you'll go into fantasy overdrive and make this woman into something she's not and get weird. All women will begin to seem unattainable. You'll get weirder and weirder, become societally marginalized and go narts. Subsequently, you'll turn into one of those creepy alienated characters you see in movies like Psycho and Taxi Driver . If for nothing else than your future mental health and the safety of women in rural communities and the like ask the goddamn woman out!

But what if she says, no? What if she stomps on your manhood with a big, fat, I don't think so? What if she looks at you like you have not one but three horns, makes the face of having eaten brussel sprouts and vomits right on your new Pumas? That would not be good BUT you'll live, my friend, you'll live. Won't be the most pleasant experience but your (solo) show will go on (whereas if you don't ask her out, you won't). Besides, at that point, you'll only have two weeks (or one, if you stall) to live with the real-life repercussions, ie seeing her (and should she say no may I suggest doing all your work-related stuff via email, phone and fax which is the real reason modern technology continues to evolve.)

But ShattyD, what if she says YES??!?!?!? What if she says, I was wondering when you were going to screw up the courage to bust a move. Oh, BabyPhatShat, life will be good! Maybe she's had enough #@!!@#@!%$ for one lifetime and will welcome, with open arms, a thoughtful, slightly wounded man like yourself. Could be a beautiful thing. Play Midnight at the Oasis here.

Oh, and I could make suggestions as to how to go about asking your coworker out but that would basically be me asking the girl out and A) I don't swing that way :) and B) you need to saunter or kneel or stutter or blush in your own endearing way. Now git!

The Short Answer: Life is suffering so get used to it (Dalai Lama 101). And life is about falling off and getting back (and falling off and getting back) in the saddle in order to try, try again. So put on your best pair o' chaps, hoist yerself back on that horsey and go lasso yourself a new little lassie. Yeehaw.

Lovingly&logically yours,
Laurie