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Ask Laurie

Q: Dear Laurie:

How do I get my wife to give me oral sex?

A: Oh, honey, she's already your wife and now you're asking? Seems you've got it all backwards. She's thinking: I've got the ring, had the ceremony, and now I'm home free--maybe she's hoping you didn't notice--and here you are still overflowing with eternal hope. Oh, boy, you can't see me, but I am rolling up my sleeves for this one!

Okay, so many questions to ask like: "did she ever" and "do you"? If you don't, then you KNOW you have no right to be asking it of her but let's assume you do so I don't go into a full-blown aren't-we-selfish rage.

I'm constantly surprised by couples that supposedly love each other but don't want to explore the many avenues of lust and love available to them and this one (dare we say it: blow job) is so tame compared to many other things which we won't go into here. First and foremost, you CAN'T, CANNOT, MAY NOT, DO NOT force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. That said "we" need to find out why she doesn't want to "service" you--does she think it's dirty and therefore shameful; is she afraid or unsure about what happens when all is said and done (replace the last word's first letter with a "c" and change the "n" to an "m" and you get my gism I mean gist...); is she embarrassed to admit she doesn't know how and does not want to look foolish? Who knows but you need to find out. I'm sorry to say but you guys will have to TALK about this one very openly and directly and lovingly (but not necessarily logically) and once you do therein will lie the answer to your question.

The short answer: Remember, sex is a wonderful intimate way of sharing with someone you love and when you approach it from that perspective--when your partner feels safe--there isn't a lot one won't or does not want to do for the other. On the other hand when sex is about control and demands you can be sure you'll be getting the short end of the stick (pun intended :)

Lovingly and logically yours, Laurie