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Q: Hi Laurie,

I'm 20 and I've recently started dating a girl that I'm beginning to like a lot. She seems to also like me a lot. The problem is she also has a long-distance relationship going on with a guy in New York (we live in Oklahoma). This guy also happens to be about 8 years older than me. Now she readily admitted all this, and she's not like visiting this guy or vice versa, but I can't help being a little jealous about it. Also, she IS planning moving to New York after she graduates in May. Should I do or say anything about this or should I just get over myself? Ordinarily I'd just say, y'know, enjoy the relationship while it's there; but I like this girl quite a bit. Your advice appreciated.

Signed: Mr. Right...Now

A: Dear Mr. Right...Now,

Let's agree before I start this answer that you don't know me and I don't know you. And let's also agree that stereotypes exist in the world for a reason--because, at some level, SOME of them hold true. And let's further agree that this column, while always offering bottom-line sincere, this-is-what-I-think-you-should-do/take-it-or-leave-it answers, is in fact an entertainment venue (assumably more entertaining to readers than question-askers, I am sure). IN OTHER WORDS, take all seemingly offensive yet somewhat funny comments I am about to make with a grain of salt and a blanket apology. With all that said:

Don't they have balls out there in Oklahoma Mister? I could've sworn I saw a pair or two as I was driving x-country with my mom and step-dad back in '78. We loaded up the brown "Fo_d" (the "R" fell off) pick-up and drove from Maryland to Iowa, if you can believe. Destination: Ottumwa--home of the annual "Fly In" by golly! Shooee, that was a barrel o' fun. My gawd, jus thinkin' 'bout it brings tears uh joy to my eye...My oh my, take me back!

So, anyway, as I was sayin', I know Oklahoma ain't NY (it ain't Iowa neither but I jus' lump all them mi'western states together and calls it a day, I do) but let's step up to the plate Mr. right NOW, eh? Batter Up buddy! What do you have to lose? You can continue to stand creamsicle-frozen on the mound (think about the sensual implications of that one for a minute will ya'...) and lose this gal or you can give it your best shot and try to take it to the next level! I mean you're beginning to like her a lot--how often does that happen?! The longer I'm on this god forsaken planet I say if you find someone who floats your boat (or creams your mound for that matter) then boat on after him or her as there aren't a lot of seaworthy craft out there!

And, as my friend Giselle so wisely commented, let's not be completely naïve and think this thirty (or so) year-old NY'r is celibately waiting around for his OK honey to relocate. Besides if this girl seems to like you a lot also then I'd say her eastern interests are on the wane. My pre-final tangentially-related word is: if she has her heart set on going to NY Mr. Right Now (or Right, you never know) don't try and thwart that ambition or you'll wake up twenty years later next to a very resentful woman.

The Short Answer: Eight years? Eight shmears! So, your "competition" has had more time to fuck things up than you have--big deal! Just think if you do nothing you can fuck things up too at eight years the junior no less. Is it a long shot? Yes, but so what. You haven't told me anything that says you have much to lose...except for those "two" particular items discussed earlier (in paragraph two)...

Lovingly and logically yours, Laurie