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Q: Hi Laurie--

My dilemma is this: Last Friday nite I got incredibly drunk at a party. When I realized I could not drive home (smart thing), I called my friend Jeannette for a ride home. It is my suspicion that during the phone call, I said something incredibly rude upon which I'll elaborate in a minute, because even though Jeannette did come and cruise me home, she was WAY mad and now won't talk to me.

We've been friends for about four years, and twice in the last year during phone conversations, I've brought up the idea of taking our friendship further (i.e. possible relationship). Each time she's declined, but I leave with the feeling my question was never answered. It doesn't help with her friend pushing for us to get together either, which is mostly where I got the idea, although I do dig her a lot as my friend and would have no objection at all to romancing the hell out of her. Your thoughts?

Signed: Sunk in Colorado

A: Dear Sunk--

Applause, applause for knowing when to say "when"...no, wait, it seems you didn't know "when" but you did know the next part which is: "friends don't let friends drive drunk" and so you called up good ol' friend-of-four-years, designated driver Jeanette. Thank you Jeanette for tolerating Sunk's "incredibly rude" alcohol-induced ramblings and STILL driving the lout home to safety.

Hey, Sunk, were you drunk when you wrote me because you sound awfully confused? You say you've been friends with the big "J" for four years and only realized she might be a desirable/datable woman because your mutual friend clued you in. That is one of the lamest reasons for pursuing a romantic relationship I've heard in a long time and frankly, I don't buy it.

Forget what this Jiminy Cricket side kick is pushing for you to do, what do you want? Are YOU, Mr. Sunk in Colorado, interested in Jeanette or not? You wouldn't MIND "romancing the hell out of her"--what a gent...I'm thinking you are so very much interested in Cruiser J that the only time you have enough kahunas to "talk" to her about bumping up the relationship a notch or two is when you're wasted you Big Weenie. I'm assuming your previous unanswered-question conversations were alcohol enhanced too. Why am I assuming that? Because you haven't given me any reason not to.

Listen Mr. Rocky Mountain High, if you want a straight answer, ask a straight question and try asking it when you're straight. Maybe even do it in person, over coffee, to show her you're serious. A conversation starter might go something like this: Hey, Jeanette, any interest in moving our friendship forward from chauffeur driver to girlfriend/chauffeur driver?

The Short Answer: Sounds to me like Jeanette is a true, caring, reliable friend. How'd a goof like you get so lucky? Realize what you've got and then treat is as such. Stop jerking her chain and if you ever get serious about asking her out don't forget, based on your past behavior, she STILL may make the rather sane decision to sink your battleship. But at least, at that point, you'll know once and for all.

Ready? Aim. Fire!

Lovingly and logically yours, Laurie