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Ask Laurie

Hello boys and girls. Questions have been coming in fast and furiously these past few weeks. Summer lovin' in need of help, I suppose. Because of the veritable plethora of people in need I'm answering a whopping three (count 'em 3!) Qs this week. Lucky you all. So, buckle up for safety and let's ride, ride, ride.

Q#1: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. He has never cheated on me. Now he just left for college to play football. Do you know what he's going to do? Should I trust him? Or not?

A#1: "Now he just left for college to play football. Do you know what he's going to do?"

According to the little I know I believe your boyfriend is going to put on a tight-fitting, hot and bulky outfit (for protection mainly but also to make his ass look good to other players so they'll swat it when a particularly excellent play is made). He'll get knocked around a lot depending on how fast he is and maybe lose a few IQ points by the end of the season. But what he loses in intellectual capacity he'll more than make up for in popularity by being on the football team which brings us to the heart of your real question: "Should I trust him?"

If your boyfriend is trustworthy you should trust him. The fact that you're asking if you should trust him makes me think he's not ranking high on the trustworthy scale and therefore you've answered your own question without even trying. Truth be told (and I don't have the statistics on this one) when people go off to college they change a lot, their eyes get opened to new things and new people and yes, typically previous relationships go by the way side. I doubt this is what you've wanted to hear but I gots to tells it like it is. Don't worry, same will happen to you when you go off to college.

The Short Answer: If you guys were truly meant to be together then you will be. Otherwise let nature takes its course while your boyfriend takes his.

Q#2: When the one you love never wants to make love what do you do?

A#2: Cry. You read that right. First you need to cry and feel bad about your situation because it is sad. As you can see your question is one of the shorter ones I've received so there's a lot of guesswork to be done.

I feel like a broken record but here goes: sex is one of the great perks of being in a relationship. It's an aspect that makes a 2-person union unique. When lovers stop loving it's an indication of a change in the relationship which can either be addressed and repaired, addressed and abandoned, never addressed and become increasingly dysfunctional or never addressed and increasingly functional for the two participating dysfunctionals. I'm all about addressing big elephants in the living room and especially those in the bedroom. Unless you have a particularly big bedroom they inevitably get in the way.

The Short Answer: So, (male or female) honey, time to ask the $64,000 question: Why don't you want to make love with me anymore? GULP--what a scary question yes I know but a life lived in fear and is no life at all. Remember, had you truly wanted to stay under your rock you wouldn't have written in. Good luck.

Q#3: Hey Laurie.

I'm 19 and I met my girlfriend online a year ago. We've been together 9 months. We met a few weeks ago, and spent the week together. We love each other. We don't have a sexual relationship. We are both virgins, and plan on staying that way until we are married. I want to get married to her, but nor for sex. I do love her. What is your opinion? I was reading some of the questions that you answered. She is 17 by the way. All the girls where I live want sex sex and more sex. She wants to love me, not have sex with me. I believe we are the perfect couple. I'd just like to know your opinion. thank you. Diablo

A#3: Hey Diablo,

I'm not sure what you want my opinion on but I'm going to give it to you anyway:

* You claim you're in love with and want to marry a girl you've been e-mailing for nine months and have spent one week with.

Opinion: Op-stay reaming-day. That's pig latin for wake up and smell the coffee which is a colloquialism for I don't think either of you have enough information to go on to be making such sweeping statements. A: what's your hurry to marry and B: if you insist on sticking with this hairbrained scheme then get off the keyboard, get off the phone and hang out in person for an indefinite period of time (typically till you either know enough about each other in the flesh to make a truly informed decision or until you've had enough fights to thank your lucky stars--and me--you never got married.)

* You're both virgins who want to get married but not for sex.

Opinion: You sound very judgmental about sex and the people who have it. Your view on sex sounds rather black and white and a little naïve. People who have it or desire to are all the "other girls" while you and your sweetheart do not and are therefore the "perfect couple". There's nothing wrong with two consenting 18+ year-old adults having (safe :) sex. (Oh, oops your girlfriend isn't 18 yet, hmmm...) You've decided to remain a virgin until you're married. Fine. Once you are married sex needn't define your relationship but its complete absence from it would be in my (requested) opinion equally unhealthy.

The Short Answer: Maybe you two are the perfect couple--how lucky for you! Three suggestions: more face-to-face meetings, one more birthday for your girlfriend, opening your eyes and looking around at the big, bright, beautiful world you live in.

Lovingly and Logically yours, Laurie