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Q: Laurie,

I am engaged to a man that I love very much, only there is a problem. He was married before to a woman for 2 years, much older than him who had 3 girls from a previous marriage (actually, 2 other marriages). They are all older than me. I'm 21, he's 33, and the girls are 26, 28 and 29. They are all married and have children of their own. They are having problems with me because they won't let go of the past. They think that their mom and my fiance should get back together. She is engaged to another man, but they won't accept him. I have been understanding and accepting, but it's to the point where I can't do it anymore.

Here's the kicker: they call him Dad, and their kids call him Grandpa. They are only 5 YEARS YOUNGER THAN HIM! He still talks to them, which is fine with me, but they insist on calling him dad, even though he doesn't call them his daughters. I've spoke my mind to all of them and it only made things worse. Leaving my fiance isn't an option. He is fed up with them and said yesterday that he would like to cut the ties with them. I have some nasty e-mails from the oldest. I need some advice please.

Signed, Confused

A: Dear Confused:

Good one. Wow. Hmm. Huh. Well. Sounds like Deliverance with a shot of Dynasty on the side. Kind of spooky with the 26, 28 and 29 year-old daughters calling the 33 year-old ex: "Dad" or how about "Daddy!" as in "Hey, big..." never mind. Why grown, married women with children would want to call their mother's new husband "dad" (regardless of his age) is weird to begin with. They have/had a dad(s) and are adults now which is the official cutoff for adding new dads to the list. But why they would want to call a peer "dad" is a major mystery to me. Maybe it's their lame attempt to normalize the fact that mom really should've been calling her new hubby "son"... Moving right along.

I'm not convinced that I have all the juicy details but from what I do have you're right: leaving your fiance is not an option. You all love each other and have plans to get married. To let these Witches of Eastwick scramble that up would be ridiculous not to mention sad. You would be giving them way too much power which I think is at the crux of the problem here. Stop letting them interfere. While I am usually a proponent of let's-work-things-out (I mean, hey, can't we all just get along) in this case the motivations seem mean-spirited and full of ill-will; doesn't seem like there's much to be gained by maintaining relations. Sometimes you have to work things out by yourself. There seem to be some freaky lack-of-boundary issues going on with your fiance's ex-family and, at this point, best to cut your losses.

"He is fed up with them and said yesterday that he would like to cut the ties with them." That's the sanest thing I've heard so far. And you, young "confused" lady, stop stirring the pot; there is no need for you to be e-mailing these women. None. Stop playing the game, fueling the fire, dancing the rhumba, blanking the something and so on.

The (not so) Short Answer: Sometimes when a couple has something to fight against it strengthens their us-against-the-world bond. And when that struggle ends (when the Witches get herpes, spit up cherry pits and I forget what happens to Cher's character) the couple is left feeling like they have little to unite over. The drama is gone. I hope that's not the case with the two of you. At the very least it's something to be aware of.

The second thing I'm scratching my head over is the timeframe of all of this. I wonder how long you two have known each other. Sounds like his previous marriage didn't last very long or work out too well. Has "Dad" taken some time for self-reflection? Does he have any understanding as to why his last marriage failed and what he can do differently this next go round to make it a success. If his answer is something along the lines of: it was all her/all the time, figure when you guys have (real) problems it'll be all you/all the time because that's how those sorts of things work.

Lastly, as much as you hate to hear this, you're awfully young to be getting married. Make sure your eyes are open. Is your 33 year-old fiance (ha, I accidentally typed "finance" for "fiance" just then; well, it was funny to me) a good choice for a long-term partner? Communicative? Loving? Will he be a good father to your children? Yes? Yes? Yes? Great! Good luck to you both and remember what I said about e-mailing and eating all your spinach.

Lovingly and Logically yours, Laurie