Back | Forward

Ask Laurie

Q: See, I've been going out with this kid for a while now, but the thing is that we go to different schools so we don't see each other often, and now that school's out we've been hanging out pretty much every night, but all my girls from my school are getting upset at me and are feeling left out now that I don't spend much time with them anymore. And now I don't know what to do to keep them both happy. I mean I want to be with my boyfriend all the time, but I just never have time for any of my school friends anymore. What should I do to keep them both happy? Anything would help, Thanks. Lisa

A: Dear Lisa,

Learn this lesson and learn it quick: a girl does NOT drop her friends for a guy. Don't get me wrong--gals do it ALL THE TIME (ohmygod do they do it) but they should NOT. It is so lame on so many levels. Let me shed some light for you.

Reason #1 why a girl shouldn't dump her friends for a guy: when you have relationship trauma (which you will, TRUST me on this one) who you going to call? And don't think after completely shining on Denise, Starla, Bashon, or whatever the hell your friends' names are that they are going to take your call. Uh uh girlfriend, because at that point you would be what we call a "fair-weather friend." Git it? Available when it suits you and unavailable when it don't. Who needs that?

Reason #2 why a girl shouldn't dump her friends for a guy: when YOU get dumped who you going to hang with when you're feeling (and looking) like a jumbo pile o' Snoop Doggie Dog-shit with no cherry on top crying your eyes out, wah, wah, wah? When every other word out of your mouth is from broken-record hell? Cross Stevie, DeRon, Brit and Carrie off your list sweetheart because they are IN-disposed! Best sidle up to your favorite Back Street 'N Sync-y Boys CD and ride out that storm SOLO!

Reason #3 why a girl shouldn't dump her friends for a guy: how's about when you decide Jose is no longer floating your gravy train and you need to adios his sorry ass? Then what are you going to with ALL the time you were spending with boyfriend boy? Got any spring cleaning to do?

Reason #4 why a girl shouldn't dump her friends for a guy: imagine you're single again (hard to fathom, I know, but shit happens) and Sheila, who is your absolute-fave, hang-out-at-the-rave, who's-last-penny-you-once-gave girlfriend, starts seeing Bryan "pretty much every night" and "all her girls" (including yourself) "from her school are getting upset at" her "and are feeling left out now that" Sheila doesn't "spend much time with them (and you) anymore." Have you grabbed my point as it whizzed by your boyfriend-dazed head? Some day the shoe will be on the other Candies-wearing foot sweetheart and how's that going to feel? In fact, sometime far off in the future, you may FINALLY understand what your friends are feeling right now. Won't that be quite the en-lightening bolt?!

And lastly, Reason #5 why a girl shouldn't dump her friends for a guy: because if you are lucky enough to have a true friend (whether you're single or not), someone who you click with, can relate to, and be 96% honest with well, honey, that is a rare find and you need to hold on to them! Let them know how much you appreciate them. Nourish a find like that and every time it blooms it will amaze you.

Oh, and believe it or not, even if you and J.B. stay together, at some point the two of you will feel less smitten with each other and will feel the need to resume your regularly scheduled lives. At that point you'll do the friendship yodel only to hear it's empty echo come right back atcha!

The Short Answer: Everything in moderation. Lisa, you've got a guy you're jazzed about. GREAT! Yippy-ki-yay-ki-yo! I understand you only get to see him for the summer but you do not need to see him "every night"--that's excessive. Here's how I see the scenario: Two nights a week you don't see Joe Blow. Can you handle that? Instead you see your friends. That leaves FIVE nights to see Joe--plenty! And if not seeing him makes you feel like an insulin-dependent diabetic without insulin then, like all diabetics, you may want to get yourself to a "doctor". Lovingly and logically yours, Laurie

Lovingly and Logically yours, Laurie

P.S. I got a lot a mail re: the last column titled "Is girlfriend too anal?" So, you CAN have forward-facing anal sex. Who knew!?!?! Never thought of it that way. And here I am always going for hole I mean curtain #1...