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Ask Laurie

Q: My girl friend loves anal sex. Is this a problem?

A: His girlfriend loves anal sex. Is this a problem? First, can I tell you I LOVE these short, straight-to-the-point, shoot-from-the-hip, quick-and-dirty questions. I just do! I got a three-pager last week from a 28 year-old woman who's in love with a 21 year-old. She's keeps a boring, fat wealthy 28 year-old (who her mom wants her to marry) on the side for safekeeping. Should she marry fat&boring or risk it all for what's behind 21 year-old door #2. I have a (related) theory about massively knotted hairballs: when they get too tangled to brush out, you've got to let go and cut 'em out. And both these guys are hairballs if you catch my drift...

Back to our regularly scheduled question: Is butt lovin' a problem? A problem for whom? For Mr. Question Asker? If you hate being a chocolate dipstick then yeah, Houston, we've got a problem. For her? Mmm...the other night I had a woman tell me she's coo-coo for cocoa puffs (i.e., loves rear access). Why did she tell me this? Who knows! People tell me all sorts of things I'd rather they keep to themselves. I guess I just have that kind of face but boy if they only knew what I was thinking, maybe they'd keep it to themselves (and their shrinks).

Anyway, after downing her third dry gin martini, she told she was mad for butt bumping but that it messed severely with her whole urinary tract--always getting infections and stuff. "Oh," I said sipping my cranberry juice and vodka. "You don't say. Hmm. Very interesting...Taxi!"

My point is: from a physical health standpoint, maybe it is a problem for your girlfriend. Remember: Brown eye after "V" but not before "C" or when sounded as "A" as in "Hey, man no way!" In other words, except on Passover, never dip twice--never have vaginal sex after anal sex if you haven't washed first. I imagine even if you don't actually have vaginal sex afterwards that a lot of the juices intermingle on the Taint Bridge anyway which can cause some of the problems that Miss Martini so graciously shared above. (AND REMEMBER, NOTHING BEHIND CLOSED DOORS BY TWO CONSENTING ADULTS IS "WRONG". It's how you feel about it...)

The (not so) Short Answer: The fact that you're asking if this is a problem makes me think it IS a problem FOR YOU but you aren't sure why. Mind if I wax poetic (i.e., be judgmental) for a minute here?

If a heterosexual couple is having (a lot) MORE anal than vaginal sex it always sets off a few whistles and bells for me. Of course, right off the bat, I wonder if the guy is gay (if he's the instigator) and if it's the woman who's bending over, I wonder what she's getting out of it. Don't get me wrong--anal stimulation can be very uh, how you say, stimulating but REPEATED sex there (between a man and a woman) well, that's a whole LOT of stimulation going on. So I'd ask myself: does she have intimacy isssssues? Does she have difficulty getting close to her mate? Because, as we know, anal sex can be kind of harsh: the guy has to do a sort of forced-entry type thing (due to size constraints) and then he mounts her like a dog (nothing wrong with mounting your girl like a dog except when it falls into the more-often-than-not category).

With anal sex/doggie style you're rarely face-to-face (unless you're some Yoga black belt) so it's hardly a romantic or necessarily loving position for a couple (kind of hard to stare deeply into each other's eyes/share "I love yous" when doing the boo-foo). I would seriously wonder why a woman would want to, MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, engage in anonymous-like sex with her committed lover when lovemaking can be one of the great ways of getting close to someone.

"Your girlfriend loves anal sex. Is this a problem?" I don't know, is it?

Lovingly and Logically yours, Laurie