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Note: comments in capital letters are mine
Q: Dear Laurie,
Okay...I have heard this rule before. SHE'S HEARD THE RULE! Don't tell the guy you love him first. Well, I broke that rule. SHE BROKE THE RULE! I told my boyfriend I loved him, because I do, and felt like I could not not (SHE USES A DOUBLE NEGATIVE!) let him know how I truly feel about him. He did not reply to me telling him I loved him.HE DID NOT REPLY! He is the most wonderful person I have ever met, and I feel closer to him as a friend than the people who are already friends in my life. SHE IS IN A SEX HAZE!
He is recently divorced, and our relationship has moved very quickly, and it scares him a little. Yet he likes the relationship (I.E. SEX), and doesn't want to change the way things are going. I am so confused! I care about him more than anything (I.E., SHE LIKES THE SEX TOO!), but should I let things slow down? Keep things the way they are? Move to a different city and go under the witness protection program (NOW SHE'S TALKING)? Did I mention he sent me two dozen long stem roses the day after our first date (SHE DIDN'T MENTION IT)? I feel very fortunate to have him in my life, and need to know what the next step is........*sigh*
A: Dear Sigh,
I am no medical doctor but if I had to diagnose I would say, you, my dear, are experiencing the classic side effects of a "Scooty High", a condition that results from having received a higher than normal dose of HBI (more commonly known as the Hot Beef Injection). Commonly disorienting, though never lethal, "Scooty High" symptoms include: --jumping in --thinking someone is the most wonderful person you have ever met --confusion! --saying "I love you" first
Man, Sigh, you could not be more textbook! Cha-ill out! Ca-hooool it. What IS your hurry? I know I sound like an absolute boor but you are currently not of this earth. And don't get me wrong-new relationships and especially new sex can be Fa-han-tast-tique BUT the mojo-induced adrenaline and state of yippy-kay-yay euphoria you are experiencing is not real. Remember, you've got an abnormal amount of serotonin or whatever that brain chemical is that allows rats, when lab tested, to ignore the food button and push the orgasm chemical button to the point where they get so hungry they die.
Listen to yourself: ***You think your new boyfriend is more of a friend to you than your current stable o' friends. No, he's not. True friendship must stand the test of time and foul weather. It doesn't sound like you two have had time for either. Boy, will you be grateful for those proud few that are around after you come off your cloud.
***You "care about him more than anything." Uh, I'm gonna puke.
***You said the "L" word first. Clearly a sign that you are not of sound mind. And he didn't say it back-that's his deer-in-the-headlights way of saying: "Whoa Nellie!" And the dozen roses thing apres le first date? That's easy. Stakes are low at that point so he can pour it on. It's a nice, albeit somewhat over-the-top, gesture but I wouldn't read too much into it.
SIGH: your dude is "recently divorced, and our relationship has moved very quickly, and it scares him a little." The first sign o' sanity-Hallelujah! It should scare you too honey. Let me explain what "recently divorced" really means: Recently divorced means your guy is from the land of black and white. His ex is black (bad, boring, a nag, now nothing more than a whiney dollar sign) and you are white (pure, temporarily perfect, Miss 24-rose do-no-wrong). But GUESS WHAT? You, too, someday will be black in his eyes as he will be in yours-it's human nature, people we love get on our nerves. The question is, when that happens, will he stick around? Will you guys be able to maintain?
The Short Answer: I don't mean to sound like the biggest grinch on the face of this lovin' earth but get a grip. Snap to. Strike a pose I mean a balance. Step back and ask yourself if this guy has the qualities you're looking for in a long-term mate. Does he treat you well over time? And if there are more yesses to these questions than no's then proceed with caution. You have nothing but time ESPECIALLY since he's newly divorced-boyfriend is NOT going to be jumping into marriage again anytime soon I can guarantee you that! In the meantime attend to your friendships! Reacquaint yourself with their worth because, in the end, they are what nurture and support us through these wild rides. Yeah, you betcha!
Lovingly and logically yours, Laurie