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Q: Dear Laurie:

My boyfriend and I have broken up two months ago from a three year relationship, which within that time we had achieved a son and a mortgage payment (I know--what were we thinking?) We were engaged and were going to be married. Things just never worked out that way. Anyway, neither of us can afford to keep the house on our own and neither of us can stand the thought of being apart from Skyler, our son.

So, for the past two months we have been living in the house together which is very uncomfortable for me since I am getting on with my life and he wants to recreate the past. He knows I don't want to get back together but I don't think he really cares about me. It has always been about him in the past, I mean, why should it be different now? So my question is how do I handle the situation of telling him that I need to get away from him without him thinking I'm some conniving bitch that just had a kid to get child support from him? (He has already stated to me that that is what he thinks I did.) The fact that he's known me for three years escaped his memory since the breakup.

Woeful in Wisconsin

A: Woah, woah woah, Wisconsin, you've gotten yourself in quite the little jam here! My my. Hmmm, okay first, I'm sorry. Really, I am. This is all very hard and unfortunate. Okay, group hug is over. Now, let's move onto solving the pickle you've gotten yourself into.

You say: "We were engaged and were going to be married. Things just never worked out that way." THINGS just never worked out that way? Hello?! Woeful, repeat after me: "My boyfriend and I CHOSE to not get married. For a variety of complex and not completely understood reasons it was a willful decision made by two adults of sane mind." Got it? Alrighty then. Moving right along.

Now's as good a time as any for my diatribe on why the institution of marriage exists in the first place--it forces people to try a little harder (like Avis). It's my unprofessional opinion that every couple comes to a point where they want to run for the hills (in varying degrees). Couples that have made the matrimonial commitment, i.e. had friends/family witness the union, ponied up a lot of money for the gathering, made their friends wear ugly dresses in public, have a piece of paper and a stupid video to show for it forces them to reconsider the hill fleeing idea a little longer than most. Now, I ESPECIALLY think second thoughts are in order when you've "achieved" a child (Merriam Webster: achieve 2. "to get or attain as the result of exertion"--by golly I guess you did indeed "achieve" your son...)

While you are clearly not aware of this you have answered all your own questions and really have no use for LoveLogic. Allow me to point out: You say: "My boyfriend and I have broken up two months ago...He knows I don't want to get back together but I don't think he really cares about me." I sense a bit of ambivalence here. If you thought he really cared about you would you want to get back together with him? In other words, is your wanting to be with him contingent on how you want him to feel about you (how old are you all anyway--just wondering?) How do YOU feel? What do YOU want (independent of how you want him to feel?)

About the we-already-broke-up thing I'm of two minds: My first mind says: Once broken up always broken up--you broke up for a reason. Move on. But the kid thing complicates the picture a little so:

First mind with kid caveat: You brought a kid into the world! Think real long and real hard and see if you can make amends. Don't stay together for the sake of the child (you'll end up teaching Skyler that love is a farce--baaaaad). What I AM saying is take the time to see if you still have love for this rat man you once cooed over. If you do, go get yourselves a great shrink, commit to doing some serious hard work and prepare to grow, grow, grow as individuals, as a partnership, as a family, but hopefully not to a bigger dress or suit size.

If, on the other hand, after long bouts of hand wringing, the love is gone, truly truly gone, bite the big wet hairy mohang and bid: ADIOS and get yourself a good lawyer. If you're over him, like you say you are, (unconvincingly I might add) what do you care if he thinks you're "some conniving bitch"? (and join in the LoveLogic sing-a-long: "Oh, now GO! Walk out the door. Just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore. I should've changed that stupid lock. I should've made you leave your key if I'd of known for just one minute you'd be back to bother me--Oh, NOW GO!")

The short answer: Time for each of you to attend remedial adult classes and learn to be one. This IS your beautiful house. And you've made a kid together. Maybe the love is gone--maybe not. Find out, make some thoughtful decisions, and grow up!

Lovingly and logically yours, Laurie