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Q: Dear Laurie,

Hello, well I'm really confused. Me and my guy went out for about three months and broke up because he cheated on me. Well, we got back together about two months ago (we had been broken up for five months) and everything is doing fine. But--thing is--I can't help but feel hurt about the fact that he deceived me. I love him very much and I know he loves me, but I sometimes feel like I can't trust him. I honestly don't think he would do it again, but I can't forget it. It still hurts. I guess my question is: Should I trust him and be with him? I'm so confused. Please help

Signed: In love in Alabama

A: It's Christmas today so Merry Xmas to all of you Xmas-revelers and Happy Holidays to all you others!

Bama: I have a very strict policy on cheating. It's called: Bu-bye. That's my policy. It's also commonly referred to as: See ya'. But we're talking about you not me (damn! I know you're all wondering so I will tell you--no, I have never been personally cheated on in a relationship.)

Even so Bama-lama--I can't tell you to trust or not trust someone. That would be like me telling you to like algebra or excel at swimming or have blue eyes. I can't tell you how to be--you are who you are, you feel what you feel. But let's pretend, for a moment, that I am almighty and powerful and CAN tell you how to be and feel. Many of the people who write in talk to me as if I am anyway so here goes:

Yes, trust the snake. He very well may never cheat on you again (then again he very well may 'cause you certainly didn't expect him to do it the first time...) But he's back with you and not with her, right? He said he's sorry: "Oops, sorry." And you don't want to belabor the point do you? I mean he might get sick of you dredging up the past for god's sake and leave or cheat with that as his new excuse/rationalization. Why not be a good little girl and shut up about your feelings and move past it already?!

OR

No, don't trust him. He cheated on you. He was INTIMATE with another woman BEHIND YOUR BACK. He could have put or be putting your health at risk. He's lame! A coward! Is excuse-less. And on top of that pathetic. Like he deserves one iota of your kindness. Leave the slob.

Bama-lama-ding, see--what does it matter what I say? BUT from your note it sounds like you don't trust him anyway. You write, "...I sometimes feel like I can't trust him." You've already made things easier on me and yourself by telling me how you genuinely feel so let's go from there, shall we? So, you don't trust the lout (you said so yourself) and who can blame you? But you're not ready to let him go because you're still with him. Why? Oh the usual--sad about losing what you once thought you had and scared to be alone again. My advice--let yourself suffer/be tormented a little while longer with this Mo (aka moron) until you simply can't stand it any longer and then be on your way. Find a man who has the maturity to eat off the plate in front of him first before rummaging in the back for other dishes.

The Short Answer: Bama-lama-ding-DONG, distrust is like rust in winter. It will eat away at the foundation of a relationship lickety split. On the surface everything is hunky dory but peel away the top layer and it's all rotten. Pretty soon, when you go to break, your foot goes right through the floorboard skidding painfully onto the rushing pavement. Yow!

Happy New Millennium to all--may great loves come your way in 2000 :)

Lovingly and Logically yours, Laurie