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Ask Laurie

Q: Dear Laurie:

I just turned 30, am pretty, smart, athletic, funny...I have a great group of friends, a very cool dog, and live in a big city. I am cultured, well-educated, and love, I mean like, my job. Aside from the occasional bad hair day or zit (still, at 30!, can you believe) life is pretty swell. The problem is I can't believe, am incredibly disappointed about, feel it is supremely unfair that I have not yet met the man of my dreams. I hate to admit it but with increasing frequency I am beginning to think it's never going to happen. In fact, at times I am downright despondent. Words of wisdom please.

Signed: Verveless in Vermont

A: Dear V.V.: When the going gets tough I thought Vermonters go cow tipping. What's the matter--off season? Oh, easy now some of my best friends eat Ben & Jerry's* so lighten up.

Okay, down to business. Yeah, it sucks to not have a companion. Seriously, it really does--am I helping? When you're single it's like someone turned down the hue and tint buttons on your Sony* Trinitron, the picture's not as bright or beautiful, BUT before you go getting all maudlin on me (I was trying to work "maudlin" into this week's column so thank you) let's get some perspective.

When drawing, to get perspective, you have a horizon line, some content, and a vanishing point to bring your basic fruit and flower arrangement to life (if you're Dutch you throw in a dead bird for good measure). Now, to drive my point home: the horizon line is the far away thing that grounds you spatially. It helps you see the bigger picture if you get my drift. And the content of the picture is constantly changing until the balance is right. Many artists drew over parts of paintings that didn't "work" for them just as you have gotten rid of men that didn't quite fit. And lastly, there's the vanishing or focal point that translates into keeping your eye on the prize which means that in spite of past disappointments you continue to have hope that you will get what you want in life. (For all you serious artists out there ready to write in and nit pick my drawing analogy to pieces...fine, okay, write in but put the word "nit pick" in the subject heading so I'll know to delete it before reading.)

"Keep breathing!" That's what my mom says and it helps because otherwise you turn blue, look very unattractive, and no man would want you then. So Verveless, keep doing the things that bring you joy while you hope and pray that the doofus on your volleyball league, or the guy you see on the bus every day, or maybe your best male friend wakes up one day, smells the caffeine, and realizes you are the pea to his pod (or maybe you screw up the courage to ask him out!)

The short answer: Hang in there girl because what you want will happen. In the meantime enjoy life, have a pint of New York Super Fudge Chunk, and leave all standing cows alone.

Lovingly and logically yours, Laurie
*Promotional fees NOT paid by Sony or Ben & Jerry's...cheap bastards.