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Q: I am dating someone that I have been with for almost a year and a half. Just recently I found out that he has been doing harsh drugs. Not only is he doing them, but he is selling them. We got into a huge fight and he promised to quit everything. I don't know if I should call it quits after putting all this time and effort into making our relationship work. I don't know if I can/should trust his word that he will quit or if I should just break it off. Please help.

Sincerely, Confused

A: Dear Confused:

I'm confused--you've been dating a guy who's lied to you about drug using AND dealing for god knows how long and you're wondering if he's trustworthy? If you were:

A: Born Yesterday the answer is a resounding "YES"; you can trust this guy 110%
B. Born the day before Yesterday, or earlier, read on:

If "promising to quit everything" were that easy Betty Ford would be so broke and out of work it wouldn't even be funny and her Clinic would've been converted to condos decades ago. What drugs are YOU on?!?!!? I understand you love and have invested much time with this coke-snootin', pot-tokin', heroin smokin' galumph of a guy and so that's where we shall begin, kay?

I'm always one for assuming the worst-case scenario so let's assume it together: You've been dating this guy for 18 months only to recently find he's not only doing but dealing drugs (pause here: there's actually some merit in that--he believes enough in the product he's selling to use it himself; that's like using a testimonial to sell your product which is a very persuasive tactic in the advertising industry, by the way.) Let's assume he's been doing this since you met him. Zip it, no lip, just assume it dammit! We're worst casing here. But there are other things about this guy that have made the last year and a half worthwhile (place tweety-bird sounds here). Ok. Is it worth giving him a chance before you dump his sorry ass? Yes, and I'll tell you why:

1. It's what you want to hear. If it wasn't what you wanted to hear you would've kicked his questionably-trustworthy butt to high heaven the minute you found out and you wouldn't be writing in to me, a veritable stranger.

2. Maybe he is the 1 case in a million, that exception that allows us to make rules, that freak of nature that can turn his act around on a dime and parlay his drug-selling skills into more legitimate consulting work.

3. You love him and as BB King/Bono said a couple of years ago: I did what I did because love came to town.

First off this guy MUST seek counseling and a good support group for waste-oids wouldn't hurt either. He obviously MUST stop hanging out "wit de boys" or whatever skank element he's been dealing with--you see that advice offered in all the after-school specials on bad-seed kids (and don't get me wrong here--even if all his "clients" are those pseudo upstanding white-collar drug-user types they still qualify as skanks.) It's also very important that you be clear on what behavior changes you need/want to see happen and in what time frame so that you're not sitting around and rotating your life away waiting for this potentially chronic ne'er-do-well guy to come around. Got it?

The Short Answer: Be afraid. Be very afraid or at least be very cautious because squeaky clean non-drug user types like yourself don't understand the allure of the almighty mind-altering arena. Remember: actions speak louder than words and if his (actions) don't start speaking volumes PRONTO AND you still stay with him, well, then you'll just have to write in again for another tongue lashing about why you have no self-esteem and are wasting your life on a loser. Until then...

Lovingly and logically yours, Laurie