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Ask Laurie

Q: Dear Laurie:

People tell me I am very pretty, so, um, why in God's name have I not been able to get a guy for two years? If I'm so pretty, what's with the singleness?

Dying to know, Starfire

A: I actually answered a similar question at the very beginning o' Laurie's LoveLogic (Abstract: Alone, alone on the range--what's cow tipping got to do with it?) but since we're up to a whopping two pages now and very few of you know the site by heart (hello?) I'll answer it again but this time with more flair and insight than before (as if that's possible). Here goes:

Oh, yeah, now I remember: Only ugly people are single and all "very pretty" people are happy, thin, and coupled up. Weeeeeee, isn't life easy and fun?

Okay Miss Starfire, have we landed back on earth now? What in god's name do looks and "singleness" have to do with each other? You could be a beautiful BITCH or a hot mama with BAD B.O. or a gorgeous gal with NO SOCIAL GRACES. Are you getting my drift? My point is: what's your personality like?!??!?!? How do you approach men? Are you giving off bad ju-ju? Maybe your last breakup was less than ideal--maybe it downright sucked and the guy was an A #1 ASSHOLE so now you walk around with a frown all the time. And remember Starfairy, it doesn't have to be a real frown (as in turned-down lips)--it could be an internal I-hate-the-world-and-all-the-men-in-it frown. People pick up on that stuff (even morons).

Start-a-fire, you need to ask some close friends for a smidgen of honesty and feedback and find out how you're coming across in general. Maybe you're doing things you're not aware of. Then again, maybe you're in the middle of the Sahara vs. Monsoon season which is how my girlfriends and I refer to the alternate lack of men/veritable plethora which is how life seems to dish it up.

Let me back peddle a little here. Don't get me wrong: boy oh boy is the world a much nicer place to be in when you're pretty. Ask any slightly overweight Plain Jane what dating looks like through her eyes and you'll probably see a few tears. Social relations are tough no matter what but American males cut you a hell of a lot more slack when you've got curves and beauty on your side (even the fat slob American males expect and go after a high level of beauty which truly gives me pause). It's totally &$%#!'ed up but what are you going to do--I know: keep going to Bally's and the plastic surgeon :)

The Short Answer: Maybe YOU're not doing anything at all. Sometimes extended single periods force us to reflect in ways we wouldn't be prepared to were we in a relationship. Hang in there Starfriend. Talk to people you trust, try and stay happy about the world while Mr. Right waits just the corner, oh, and continue to be very well acquainted with your right hand (left, if you're a lefty)...

Lovingly and logically yours, Laurie