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Q: Dear Laurie:

My husband and I have been married for one year, together for two, one child later, our love life totally sucks. For a newlywed, the last time we made love was almost two months ago. He's thirty five, very well composed and preserved. He's a boss in a very well respected office.

Me? I'm very personable, energetic--people really like me. I'm a case officer in a Domestic Relations Office. We don't talk as much and making love is rare. Is it the age??? Or me?? Most guys think I'm a "perfect package" except for the guy who really matters.

Confused in PA!!!

A: Dear PA:

Not to be a total wench but don't you find it a little funny that you work in a domestic relations office and haven't a clue about your own domestic relations? Come on, it's funny, admit it. Not funny, you say? Not laughing one bit, are you? Not smiling one little crack. Huh. Okay.

PA writes: "We don't talk as much and making love is rare. Is it the age???" Gee, let's throw this one out to the members of our reading audience. What do you folks think? Are PP (Perfect Package) and her husband at the age where married adults no longer talk or make love? (Play theme song to Jeopardy in your head while we wait for people to respond.)

According to the 12,563 respondents, consensus seems to be that most married couples don't stop talking till at least age 40 and the lovemaking should've stopped way before the two of you met so that blows your theory all to hell. Let's try another tack, shall we?

I KNOW!--what was your talking and lovemaking life like BEFORE you got married? Before you had a child? Were the two of you making love 24/7 and in between lighting up cigarettes and talking a blue streak? I doubt it.

My point is (and I do have one): I'll bet things are NOT that different NOW than they were BEFORE. Possibly, things have become a little worse because PA Jr. requires just a tad of your time. I'm thinking maybe you've decided you don't like the status quo a LOT less? Yeah, read that line again. Boiled down--you woke up and said: "This is not my beautiful house" (see Talking Heads album: More Songs About Buildings and Food, I think).

The way you describe your wild-and-crazy-blabbermouth-love-god husband makes me think he isn't very different pre-kid vs. post-kid. I think YOU'VE changed. OR you realize that getting married and having a child wasn't the be all/end all you thought it would be--the be all/end all that you thought would make up for marrying a "very well composed and preserved" guy. (I think she means "reserved" here, folks, but I could be wrong).

Why in the world did Miss Energetic fall in love with and marry Mr. Reserved if what she wanted was Mr. Energetic???? Jung has his theory on opposites which I won't bore you with now BUT think about what I've said because there is a kernel of something worthwhile here or at least I hope there is or I wouldn't be wasting part of my Sunday typing this.

The short answer: Maybe it's time to re-discover why you fell in love with your husband in the first place and stop expecting him to be someone he isn't (and NEVER will be). AND while you're at it how about YOU start talking to your husband about these things and, while you're at, why don't YOU initiate a little lovemaking session of your own. It takes two to tango baby so get tango-ing!

Lovingly and logically yours, Laurie