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Ask Laurie

Q: Dear Laurie:

I was wondering if it will harm you if you swallow?

A: Initially I blew (pun intended) this question off but then I thought about that couple that cut the end off of their condom because it was more comfortable having sex that way and I thought, hey maybe this person really needs to know so here I am to tell you. Pass it on.

"...i was wondering if it will harm you if you swallow."

Perspective A--the male
According to 150% of all males surveyed it will harm you if you do NOT swallow. Some common responses to the above question were, "Hell no," "Be my guest," "Please do," and, "Thank you very much now go get me a beer."

"...i was wondering if it will harm you if you swallow."

Perspective B--your health
From a health stand point, as far as I'm concerned, if you're going to put a guy's bare naked penis (not to be confused with the currently popular band) in your mouth you are taking a health risk in terms of him transmitting and you acquiring a myriad of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs as they are affectionately referred to).

Does this mean one is never to put a bare naked penis in one's mouth? Nay! The way I look at it, when you meet someone you are going to date exclusively AND you've both been tested for AIDS and the like AND you're not going to %$#@& around on each other then it's worth taking the plunge. But if it's a one-night or week stand with a guy who's doing everyone and their sister I personally don't think it's worth the risk.

If you're old enough to be having sex (and half of you who write in are NOT) this is a mature decision you have to make for yourself.

"...i was wondering if it will harm you if you swallow."

Perspective C--pregnancy
I hope you all know this, but for those of you who don't: YOU CANNOT GET PREGNANT FROM SWALLOWING SPERM. Swallowed sperm goes directly to your stomach, which, by the way, is in no way connected to your womb, takes an immediate acid bath, and dies.

"...i was wondering if it will harm you if you swallow."

Perspective D--the silver palette
If you have a rather refined palette OR do not enjoy the taste of tepid and just-on-the-cusp-of-rancid sour cream then yes, indeed, swallowing will harm you in a personal affront sort of way. On the other hand, if you rather crave slightly spoiled cottage cheese on a steamy hot summer's day then you will not only NOT be harmed by swallowing you will be pleasantly transported to a temporary state of nirvana. Swallow on!

"...i was wondering if it will harm you if you swallow."

The short answer: Harm is in the eye of the beholder.

Lovingly and logically yours, Laurie