Living in the (ex's) Lap of Luxury (or squalor) Ain't Living

Have you and your live-in beloved lost that loving feeling (whoa, that loving feeling)? Then time to lose that mortgage or lease the two of you signed together as well. Time to pack your emotional bags, sing the "Annie" song and get your own lap to lay in! And here's why:

•  One of these things ain't liking the other; one of these things just doesn't belong.

A love relationship can and should have friendship qualities but the one reason we all put up with her (cute) whining and his (endearing) beer gut is that we get that one very unique, non-friend goodie at the end of the rainbow: sex! And once two people have been to the moon by the light of each other's moon there's no going back through the friendship door. Living with your ex is like living with the ghost of relationships past-poltergeist material: Get Out!

•  Couples are like democrats and republicans-they never feel the same way about the big issue: each other.

One person is always more into it, more groovin' on the other, more keen about the whole thing than the other is even if it's only by degrees. So, when election time comes around, as in "I elect to no longer be with you", the loser may smile while the other lists all the "Dear John" reasons, but inside they are dying. Living with someone who makes you die a little bit each day is, in my book, to be avoided (like the plague or.a republican).

•  Your ex is singing the "Ain't Got No" song from the musical "Hair"

It goes something like this: "Ain't got no home. Ain't got no shoes. Ain't got no money" etc. which makes the both of you feel bad but in different ways. The one who has the home, shoes, money etc. feels a little guilty perhaps and pissed off at being taken advantage of and the one soon-to-be-without the home, shoes, money etc. is scared and desperate. But hey, that's what relatives are for, right? To take in wayward, scared and desperate relations who have miscalculated (read: #@&*%$'d up) their lives and need get-back-on-their feet time. So, you with the home, shoes, money etc. get over the guilt and get on the horn.